One lab mouse to another: I’ve trained that crazy human at last. How have you done that? I don’t know how, but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell, he gives me a piece of cheese.

A Donkey meets a Trabant coming down the road.
“Hello Car” says the donkey “How are you?”
“I’m fine ” says the Trabant “How are you Donkey?”
Don’t be so rude” says the Donkey “I called you Car, at least you could call me Horse”

There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

On whether violent computer games affect children: “If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music” – Marcus Brigstocke

When pulling into a parking spot, if there is a shopping cart in the way, lightly tap it with your bumper and send it rolling into an adjacent car. Then, when you step out, if the cart is still too close, push it down the parking lot aisle and let it go. While the cart is flying solo, turn around and walk toward the stores.

What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.

A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and raised the hood to see if he could find out what had happened. A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the field she had been grazing in over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man. After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, “Looks like a bad carbuerator to me.” Then she walked back into the field and began grazing again.
Amazed, the man walked back to the farmhouse he had just passed, where he met a farmer. “Hey, mister, is that your cow in the field?” he asked. The farmer replied, “The brown and white one? Yep, that’s old Bessie.” The man then said, “Well my car’s broken down, and she just said, ‘Looks like a bad carbuerator to me.’” The farmer shook his head and said, “Don’t mind old Bessie, son. She don’t know a thing about cars.”

A man walked into a lodge in Yellowstone National Park. Can you give me a room and bath? he asked the clerk.I can give you a room, the clerk said. But youll have to take the bath by yourself!

Q: How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’m going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road.
Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a
lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second,
he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn’t run over the lawyer, so he swerved,
but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn’t see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. “I’m sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at
the side of the road.”
But the priest said, “Don’t worry, son. I got him with my door.”