One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus driver.
He starts saying things like: “If my Mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I would be a little rooster,” the bus driver told him to quiet down!
Still the boy went on … “If my Mom was a female elephant and my dad was a male elephant, I would be a little male elephant,” the bus driver getting annoyed told the boy to shut up!
Still the boy went on … “If my Mom was a female dog and my dad was a male dog, I would be a little male dog.”The bus driver finally mad, asked him: “If your Mom was a prostitute, and your dad was a homo, what would you be?”
The boy answered: “A school bus driver!”

There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A State Trooper pulls it over. “What have I done wrong, officer?” the driver asks.
“You are going 26mph on a major highway. There is a law against that,” the officer says to the driver. “You must go at least 50mph.”
“But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!” the driver replies.
“HA HA HA!” The officer laughs out loud. “That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn’t the speed limit!”
The driver leans back in her car seat and the cop sees another woman sitting beside her. She looked as pale as a ghost.
“What happened to her?” the officer asks.
“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160.”

Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says “Darn, I can’t get in the car!” The other blond replies, “keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down”.

A Donkey meets a Trabant coming down the road.
“Hello Car” says the donkey “How are you?”
“I’m fine ” says the Trabant “How are you Donkey?”
Don’t be so rude” says the Donkey “I called you Car, at least you could call me Horse”

When pulling into a parking spot, if there is a shopping cart in the way, lightly tap it with your bumper and send it rolling into an adjacent car. Then, when you step out, if the cart is still too close, push it down the parking lot aisle and let it go. While the cart is flying solo, turn around and walk toward the stores.

What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.

Q: How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I’m going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a small mini also drives up. The haughty businessman into he back of the limousine started bragging to the mini owner.
“This is the best limo that money can buy. It has ABS, airbags for all passengers, automatic climate control, onboard computer control system, photo chromatic glass, mini bar, a television with satellite dish embedded in the roof, blah blah blah…”
At this point the mini owner interrupted.
“But do you have a video in there?”
The light changed just then, and the limo driver pulled off. The businessman in back felt a bit down that he didn’t have this simple item, and that very day had one installed in the limo.
A few days passed, and again the limo was at a traffic light when the businessman spotted the mini. It was pulled over to a side, with the glass all steamed up, and steam coming from a half open window. Upon seeing this, the businessman got out of his car and knocked on the window of the mini. After a few moments, the mini owner poked his head out.
“I installed a VCR in my limo,” said the businessman proudly.
“What!?!’ the mini-man responded. “You got me out of the shower for THAT?”

In Eisenach (home of the IFA Wartburg car factory) they heard about how the Japanese test a car. They put a cat in the car, and if after three days the cat is dead, the parts are judged to be close fitting. Not wanting to be second in anything, the people in Eisenach decided to test the Wartburg in a similar fashion. If after three days the cat is still in the car, the parts are judged to be close fitting.

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?” I asked. She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?” “Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?” I asked. “No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk.”