Fast Tube by Casper

A man in his 40’s bought a new BMW and was out driving on the interstate at top speed when he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.‘There’s no way they can catch a BMW,’ he thought to himself and sped up even more.Then the reality of the situation hit him, ‘What the heck am I doing?’ he thought and pulled over.The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, it is the end of my shift, and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.“   “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

Blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.
“How can I get to the other side of the river?” she shouts loudly.
The other blonde replied “What for? You are already on the other side of the river!”

well…fail is fail