Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters “UFO” were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
“Do you realize what just happened?” the station owner finally uttered.
“Yeah,” said the blonde attendant. “So?”
“Didn’t you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!”
“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”
“Didn’t you see the letters ‘UFO’ on the side of that vehicle?!”
“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”
“Don’t you know what ‘UFO’ means?!”
The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. “Good grief, boss! I’ve been
working here for six years. Of course I know what ‘UFO’ means
‘Unleaded Fuel Only.’”

In Eisenach (home of the IFA Wartburg car factory) they heard about how the Japanese test a car. They put a cat in the car, and if after three days the cat is dead, the parts are judged to be close fitting. Not wanting to be second in anything, the people in Eisenach decided to test the Wartburg in a similar fashion. If after three days the cat is still in the car, the parts are judged to be close fitting.

A husband and wife entered the dentist’s office. The husband said,
“I want a tooth pulled.I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”
“You’re a brave man,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is.”
The husband turns to his wife and says,
“Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch, and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside. The bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left. When he was gone, other motorcyclists snickered to one another and congratulated each other on being so ”bad”. As the cashier walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?” ”He’s not much of a driver, either,” the cashier replied. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”

The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon’s office. “You know, Doc,” he said, “I’ve made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand.”
“And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions,” the medic said.
“Heck, no,” the old fellow replied. “I want to borrow your Lamborghini!”

this one is for girls…

…and this one is for boys

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In the swimming pool.”